Annually, the Catholic Enquiry Centre (CEC) reaches out to enquirers who have received our introductory resources about the Catholic faith. One response came from Benjamin, who was happy to share his journey of faith.

Benjamin says his life has been “completely transformed” through his return to the Catholic Church after years of living on his own terms.

The 32-year-old lawyer recently received the Sacraments of Holy Communion and Confirmation for the first time, having been baptised as an infant, completing his stalled initiation into the Church.

“I was raised Christian, my mother taught me to pray and I just loved Jesus as a child,” he recalled.

But between the ages of 10 and 13, Benjamin’s world started to collapse. His parents’ marriage began to breakdown in front of his eyes, and he discovered the internet and its dangers, including the efforts of YouTube personalities to disprove the existence of God.

“I just felt abandoned by God,” he said. “I established in my mind that God couldn't exist for all this to happen to me and all these horrible things to happen in the world. So I stopped reading my Bible. I stopped praying. I just completely abandoned it… and I rejected religion outright.”

After the divorce of his parents, Benjamin embarked on a life of “pure secularism”.

“I've done lots of exciting things,” he said. “I've ridden 120,000kms on motorbikes, explored a lot. I hike a lot. I've socialised a lot. But I was just bored of life. I started yearning for something more than earthly treasures.

“I started to pray, just for fun. I did not believe in it at all. But it unlocked something in the background. A sort of peace started to arise.”

Over the new few months, Benjamin began to slowly realise that God had never abandoned him during his years of great difficulty and suffering.

“I always felt like someone was there, and that there was a mysterious need to carry on. I was struck by hope and comfort during my darkest moments. I thought it was just my self-awareness, but that never made sense. Now I think it was the Holy Spirit, especially considering I was baptised as a baby.”

He also developed a strong concern for society, which he felt he wanted to do something about.

“Those concerns drove me to church,” he said. “I said to myself, ‘You've got nothing to lose by going to church for one month’.” Benjamin searched online for Catholic churches in his area, and attended his first Mass.

“I was a fish out of water,” he recalled. “It was super awkward. People were kneeling and reciting all these prayers. I didn't understand that praying together is a form of worship, and that kneeling is a form of submission to God.

“After the first Mass, I thought, ‘That was actually pretty cool. I can't understand why people are getting together every Sunday to do this, but I'm intrigued how everyone could come together to just love this one person, Jesus Christ.”

By the end of his initial four-week trial period, Benjamin was researching the Catholic faith intensely and had begun reading the Bible again.

He enrolled in the parish’s Catholic Enquiry Group for non-Catholic adults wishing to join the Church, and as part of that process found out for the first time that he had actually been baptised in the Catholic Church as a child.

After a period of preparation, Benjamin received the Sacrament of Penance for the first time, which he said was a “turning point” in his journey to faith.

“I was petrified and felt really unsettled. But as I entered the church, I felt this immense love, as if the closest friend I've ever had was there. It was absolutely surreal. I was enveloped in it, and it caught me off guard. I felt so at peace. It was just like my dearest friend was there, and I didn't want that to end.”

After going to confession, Benjamin said he felt an immense weight lifted, which solidified his commitment to becoming Catholic. He would drive 35 minutes from his new home to continue the RCIA program and attend Mass.

In July, Benjamin was Confirmed and received the Eucharist for the first time – both momentous occasions for him.

“After receiving Holy Communion, immediately, I just felt like I knew Jesus more, and there was a closeness,” he recalled. “It's just been a literal spiritual transformation.”

In the past, Benjamin looked to the thrill of motorcycling on a Sunday to motivate him, admitting “motorcycling was my religion”.

“Most of my friends were in that sphere and every Sunday was motorcycle day,” he said. “And to me, I didn't have a good weekend and my week wasn't properly setup if I didn't go out and ride my bike like a pro.

“I just don't feel as much a need to do it now. Church is just so much better. I've been trying to put Christ at the centre of my life in every single facet possible, and the more I do that, the better life is.

“I'm at a point now where I can confidently state that as long as I have my faith and strive to live a Christ-centred life, I'll never be down in the dumps again. I didn't expect this. Now that I see challenges as opportunities from God for my soul to grow, I embrace and overcome them. I don't merely survive them.”

His advice to others searching for meaning or purpose in their life is to be patient.

“Don't feel pressured to rush the process – I mulled over thoughts for months but I still committed to church attendance in the background,” Benjamin said.

“Don't ignore that little voice pleading you to change your life's path. God wants you to be saved and he won't stop calling your name.”

Image: Supplied
Words: Matthew Biddle